I have two Alter-Ego's. I call them the BITCH FACE ALTER v NICE FACE ALTER and its all about which one comes out when I'm dating really depends on the type of guy I am sitting across the diner table with.
The words from Bitch-Face and Nice-Face often prior to dates become a RIOT of noises in my head I CANNOT GET RID OF and both Alters are the real me.
Getting ready for a date, on the date and post-mortem analysis after a date I usually have to ASK MYSELF if my INSTICTS are telling me to correct information in order to make the decision to go on A SECOND DATE.
Often I do not know what to do. WHICH VOICE to listen to. This is the BACKDROP to my dating and even relastionship lifestyle.
Although I must point out that my Toxic-Ex from Hell had the NICE ALTER-EGO and the BITCH FACE ALTER EGO got stronger after I walked out on him.
Rachel’s BITCH FACE is not nice. She is the interrogative journalist and jaded singleton who looks suspiciousl at everything and everyone as GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
It’s my Alter Ego whom I love and is in fact I think the REAL ME. She is the 7 year old who had to grow up too quicklly, who lived on a rough council estate with a single mum who suffered badly from depression, grew up in Merseyside and failed all her exams at school. She excelled at one thing and one thing only. ATHLETICS, AND SHE RAN FOR TEAM GREAT BRITAIN as an athlete in cross-country and did track 800m and 1500m for the local Southport & Waterloo sports club.
She is the person who was 3 years behind her peer group when she eventually got a few qualifications under her belt and qualified and worked as a journalist Court Reporter.
BITCH FACE ALTER EGO exterior is like a reptilian. She shapeshifts her personailty when she needs to hide her tough lizard-like skin exterior. Her tongue has a whiplash effect when she is not happy. Her words can hurt. She is the person who has ALWAYS WORKED HARD, two jobs to pay the bills with no help from family when she left home at just 17.She is the perosn who had a bad experience at 17, cut her hair into a dark black-dyed harsh bob and dressed like a tomboy throughout her early to mid 20's. Her pale skin looked GOTHIC and in her mid-20's she tried to commit suicide but it failed. She wole up thinking "WHAT THE FUCK I AM STILL HERE".
Her good points are that she is a grafter and tough cookie. She speaks her mind and speaks the TRUTH. However brutal, not rude. Just honest, and yes that would ruffle a few feathers along the way. People who are not lovers of the TRUTH. Her eyes are always piercingly looking for the TRUTH with whiplash effect. She can chew a guy up and spit him out for BREAKFAST.
My NICE FACE ALTER EGO is a child-like kind-hearted, forgiving and empathatic person who tries not to judge a person. She giggles A LOT and is the mental age of 7 at times with the maturity and experience of a 40-something singleton woman and mother. She fogives anyone who ever did her wrong. She fogives the attacker who assaulted her and took away her innocence at 17. She has a purity of heart that her 40-something maturity cant hide. She is a child-like woman who has an imaginary friends like Bridget BARDOT and Marilyn Munroe.Her nature belies her experiences in life and is soft, sensual, femenine and feline with no hard outer-exterior. Her eyes are the window to her soul. She would not ever want to hurt another soul and makes sure her words reflect this.
The REAL Rachel Evans is both Alter-Ego's. Both have their place in her heart, mind and soul.
I have my inner demons inside me and always have but the dark demon has white wings,and the light demon has dark wings.
If you can work this out you know me well.
Both Alter's have one thing in commom- they both love the TRUTH and light over darkness when given THE CHOICE.
When on First Dates TV Show I did not feel a romantic connection to my date Alan. We got on okay and laughed a lot, my inner child came out to play as seen on the show and npt once did my BITCH FACE ALTER EGO come out. ONLY ONCE- the SCENE WHERE I LOOK BACK AT HIM a bit questiongly when he told me he would have liked to open the chair for me when I sat down. He was bot given the chance as I was ( for some reason) sesated BEFORE HE ARRIVED. On camera they zoomed in on my baffled face as I sniffed the salt and pepper for something to do as my OCD kicked in and I started rearanging the cutlery on the table. So as it was the first time I had dated in a while and it was watched by millions of viewers I was naturally a bit shy and quiet wearing my NICE FACE on TV show.
I learned so many lessons being on the show First Dates that I vowed never to be too nice again. I never wanted to agree to a second date with Alan, but producers persuaded me to do so. I agreed with the Channel Four TV Producer that I was maybe attracting the WRONG TYPES OF GUYS when dating. sO I GAVE IN AND SAID YES YOU MAY BE RIGHT. I will go on a second date with Alan. Then the filming continued.
Now as I am DATING IN 2015 my BITCH FACE ALTER EGO is dominant. I spoke to a guy on the phone and totally hated his voice. It was agressive, harsh, jaded and sounded almost MISOGINISTIC. He asked for my number from TINDER and said the app was "TOO SLOW" AND THAT HE WANTED TO HEAR A VOICE.
The first thing he told me was in harsh tones "YOUR VOICE DOES NOT MATCH YOUR PICTURE".
ALARM BELLS SOUNDED IN MY HEAD AND I thought to myself, OKAY we have Mr.BITTERANDTWISTED on the line here.
I put my bitch voice on which is FACTUAL AND QUESTIONING. I actually felt my head go bang and wanted to TELL HIM TO FxxK off,
but of course I didnt. I am never rude, I JUST FIND A WAY to get rid of him off wothout offending him or making him want to get nasty.
Without any exaggeration, from my own dating experiences I can identify a woman-hater type of man.He is the Alpha-Male who is successful with money and moves in social circles where the women are trophy WAGS and dont have any backbone. These types of men, attract and ONLY WANT PASSIVE WOMEN and like to CONTROL THEM.
Yes call me a bitch but its true.
Let me tell you how I detected this guy was a woman hater.
I checked my TINDER inbox and saw a dark handsome distinguished male in his late 40's, sitting next to a Hollywood Actress who was in one of those top sticom TV hits and you can buy the box sets. I wont mention names for legal reasons. SO this Mr.MISOGYNIST WITHIN ONE MINUTE of messaging on TINDER had asked for my NUMBER; Within five minutes had called my number for a chat; within five and a half minutes had told me point blank "You are not gonna find him on here" referreing to Mr.Right.
After he asked what I was "LOOKING FOR" I told him I was not into causal flings and wanted someone to date for a serious relationship.
Mr.Misogynist "You are not going to find a guy on here for that I CAN TELL YOU. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. "
Mr.MISOGYNIST " yeah, let me tell you bluntly, you can be WITH SOMEONE and LOOK FOR EXTRA ON HERE"
My BitchFace Alter wanted to put the phone down, I could not stand his patronising know-it-all harsh voice.
He then did a ra[id-fire syle interrgation htting me with 3 questions in one go.
I WAS BEING AMBUSHED BY A STRANGER WHO DIDNT SOUND LIKE A HAPPY PERSON.
"Have you been on any dates recently"
"How did it go"
"And where are you based?"
JESUS! I am thinking. He didnt let me breathe and certainly did not give me chance to answer the first question.
I took control and went straight back to THE FIRST QUESTION and answered it the way I wanted to.
"I THINK there are genuine people LOOKING FOR RELATIONSHIPS on TINDER" i TOLD Mr.MISOGYNIST
It was not his business to know any information as I didnt know him. I do not tell people my personal business untill it is APPROPRIATE or RELEVANT.
Then I dedided to drop into the chat -conveniently for me to get rid of him- that as a journalist I have researched it all too as well as being in the dating pool as a singleton. He was getting angry and adamant that I was wasting my time on TINDER and it was only for cheats and married men looking for hook-ups.
I was getting bored.
BitchFace was speaking her mind and wanted to get this horrid man off the phone and quick.
"I think I am feeling that we are not ON THE SAME PAGE and are not looking FOR THE SAME THING."
I waited for his response.He stammered, TRIED TO START A SENTENCE BUT COULDNT.
I told him politely that I had to go and said goodbye and put the phone down. He said ok bye. THAT WAS IT.
I rang my friend SS WHO PUT ME ON TINDER AND told him I had jsut had a very uncomfortable conversation with a guy who sounded very bitter towards dating and women.
"Should I BLOCK HIM NOW ON WHATSAPP? " I asked my friend SS.
"No, i think you leave it and if he comes back at you on TINDER or whatsapp then block him."
One good thing came out of that phone chat with MR.MISOGYNIST. I realised that I really liked the Mr.ExTennisPro with whom I had two dates recently.
Funny thing is just after I put the phone down to my friend SS, Mr.ExTennisPro rang me
"Hiya!" said Mr.ExTennisPro
His soft warm-hearted voice sounded positive vibes shooting down the phone wire to me.
I sighed and it felt good.
Rachel's Dating Rule : the one which says when dating , make sure to go on dates with 3 people, so you will FIND OUT which one you really like and conncect with.
This RULE WAS STARTING TO WORK AGAIN.