Dating Mr.Muscles Ego
Dating Mr.MusclesEgo the ex natural bodybuilder champion in the whole wide Universe );.....wink wink.... was wrong from day one. There was a gap in between after I ditched him. Two years later he contacted me to rekindle our romance....But let me start with this...
It was summertime and dating Mr.Muscles Ego seemed like a perfect match on paper looking at his photos and online profile but it all went horribly wrong.
I dated him once, dumped him, he got in contact again two years later and I dumped him the second time.
At The Begining - The First Time Round
Mr.MusclesEgo drove as he called it "The Ken car" a Red jeep and told me when I first met him that he was KEN and I was BARBIE. I thought it was hilarious and LOVED the fact he was unique and different looking. It totally made me smile that he drove the Ken Jeep and I drive the Barbie Beetle Car.
We met in Clapham High Street, for around 7.30 drinks date and it was half way for us both to travel for a First Date.
Clapham High street was full of bustling with people in the summer sitting outside shades on, and standing outside the music-pumping bars. It was also easy to find parking as my years of working and driving around London had given me almost taxi-driver knowledge of where to best to park.
I wore jeans and a nice top for the first date with killer heels AND MY FAVOURITE PINK Louis Vuitton big Daimer barrell bar on the crook of my arm. I sashayed down Clapham High street and took light steps as I was careful not to fall flat on my face walking in heels. I was staring at the pavement and then I switched on my head-up model catwalk style I learned as a model in my 20's. Not to look down but look STRAIGHT AHEAD and look graceful. I was out of practise as I live in trainers and usually work the sporty look, so wearing platform high heels gave my bunions a headache. I took a painkiller of two paracetamols before I headed out that evening. My bunions would NOT RUIN my chance of looking hot (trying to) and wearing high heels for a change. But I would pay the price later.
Whenever I wore heels on a date I would take a final look in the mirror at home before leaving and tell myself
"Rachel You LOOK HOT TONITE." This RITUAL I did to TO GIVE ME CONFIDENCE and help the First Date NERVES. There was no option to drink to calm nerves as I do not drink. I cant' stomach alcohol and I gag.
Face to Face With Mr.MusclesEgo
I spotted his bright red Jeep first before I saw him. He stood out next to his car, and was leaning on it cool as a cucumber and looking Hollywood-worthy stud-like and oozing sex appeal. My BITCH FACE ALTER EGO was on, and as I got closer to Mr.MusclesEgo I noticed the crowds of people there as I approached and I started to notice a few heads turning. I felt my NiceFace Alter Ego try to squeeze through but I would not let her. She was shy and I didnt want a full on PANIC ATTACK. I hated peole staring at me. So I learned to switch off my radar, and TUNED OUT of the people around me. I had to exist in public IN MY HEAD not in that real time moment. Yes its wierd, but believe me my shyness never did me any favours and BitchFace Alter always protected her for me.
Mr.MusclesEgo stood out from the crowd. He had an amazing prescence just standing there looking at me walk towards him as I sashayed hips swinging left to right with my model-walk down the steet. When I wear heels I noticed how my hips adjust and posture is chest out, spine straight not hunched, walking proudly in straight line. Lucky for me there were no street cobbles just flat lovely pavement. I had my favourite MAC Cosmetics St.Germain Barbie Pink lipgloss on and I felt my pores OOZE with CONFIDENCE. I worked it. That pavement was my catwalk. I so wanted to make a good First Date First Impression.
First Date First Impressions
He beamed a smile in my direction as he looked up from his phone. I had just texted him that I had parked up and was walking down to the bar. I had my sunglasses on so tried very cooly to nonchalantly take them off and perch them on the top of my head. I liked that look and there was no room in my Louis handbag anyway.
He looked up from his phone and his eyes locked onto mine until we were standing in front of each other face to face.
His smile was kind of fixed and did not fade as he leaned in to kiss me on the cheeks.
I smelt his aftershave which was nice and he looked sqeaky clean. That was a TURN ON for me. I have OCD. He wore red jeans and a black tight muscle-enhancing fitted v neck tee shirt. His muscly chest peeked through and his biceps bursted out of the short capped sleeves. I was admiring his perfect ripped body and liked what I saw.
He led me into the inside of the bar and a lot of people sat outside but there were no free tables. I was happpy to go inside as I hate anyone smoking near me and have been known to zoom in on the offending smoker and dart them a look, I usually end up giving them a haughty dirty look. Not A DIRTY DIRTY LOOK BUT A HAUGHTY DOWN THE NOSE LOOK.
We sat at the bar. He was still smiling. That was kind of CUTE I thought.
"You are EXACTLY LIKE YOUR PHOTOS" I told him jokingly. I got the giggles quite fast as I was thinking about his muscles. I calmed myself down and regained my cool composure. Giggles was a signature habit of mine when I like a guy.
We sat, we chatted and flirted for a few hours and having met at 7.30 it was getting on for 10.30pm. The bar music had got ten times LOUDER and the noise levels were too high to chat and hear any conversation. We moved to an outside table there was one free by now and we had almost finished the second diet coke, no ice, just a bit of lime for me. I do not drink alcohol. Neither did Mr.MusclesEgo which is one big REASON I LIKED HIM. The clock hit 11pm and I said thank you for a lovely evening but I had to go. I ususally end a First Date early and not go crazy. He walked me back to my CAR, WHICH WAS NICE AND GENTLEMANLY.
THE FIRST KISS
Then it was that MOMENT. The MOMENT ON A FIRST DATE WHEN YOU ARE THINKING IS HE GOING TO KISS ME? I got a fit of giggles and he planted a kiss on my LIPS. It was ok, but I recall thinking there were no fireworks. I said bye and got into my car. I was a bit nervous as he STOOD THERE STARING AT ME. I wondered if he EXPECTED me to say something.
The Drive Home And Afterthoughts
I drove home with Magic FM on loud with all the romantic Saturday nite ballads on. Singing along as I usually do, and thought he was nice and just did not feel a strong chemistry with him. The kiss was like a bird kissed me. Not that I have ever kissed a bird. But what I am trying to say is all I could think about on the drive through South East London back home, was how his LIPS WERE VERY THIN and it felt unusual.
I did not feel myself being lost in his kiss, nor did I see any shooting stars around me that nite. I told myself to give him a chance as he was probably nervous. So thats what happened.
I arrived home and my cat Pinkie ran out from the back garden gate as I pulled up to parl my car, ran round the corner to the front My cat Pinkie was mentioned on First Dates TV show when Alan asked me if I had any pets.
"I have a cat" I said. Pinkie stood meowing at the front door waiting for me. It was a nice thing about arriving home, to get into MY OWN BED and to see my cute cat Pinkie.
The First Few Dates The Attraction Faded
The First Date and subsequent first few dates went okay and were of similar nature. I got to that stage in dating a guy where you subsonsciously begin to ANALYSE things and it drives you nuts.
I NOTICED BY THE THIRD DATE, THAT I was not that attracted to him physically AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT despite his tight ripped six-pack and amazing ten out of ten fitness PT body. His face was a bit cold and not a warm friendly face. You know, the type of face that looks like its taken a beating in life, with strong upper forehead wrinkle. Three rows of wrinkles. Pug dog style. Forgive me. I CAN'T HELP IT. My day job is working with Cosmetic Doctors who perform Lunch-Hour Facelifts non-surgical (without going under the knife). So my eye is TRAINED to SEE WRINKLES. My eyeline usually drifts from left to right, upper to lower as I work out the facial symmetry of the person I am looking at. I see crows-feet, lines around the corners of the eyes, I see glabella lines formed between the brows, evidence of too many stressed or angry moments, I see droopy mouth corners which have formed over the years from too many sad moments. I see EVERY WRINKLE on a persons face. I even notice nannerisms.
Wrinkles Give A Guy Character
Visually I like a guy to have wrinkles and I am okay with that. It gives a man CHARACTER. I like scars too. He had no scars except a tiny lump (mole) on his head which was visible because he had minimal amounts of hair. The small amount of hair he had on his head was close-shaved short and tidy. I liked the no hair look (bald is fine) so it did not bother me.
Mr.MusclesEgo had piercingbly blue eyes,and I could detect straight away there were mental scars written across his eyes and face. I was okay with a rough looking non-beautiful, baldish male face. It was a face full of character. So he was attractive yes. In a rough kind of way. Rough ageing face. Beautiful tight and taught youthful body.
But the question was always in my mind: Is there the RIGHT chemistry. Or was there ANY CHEMISRY AT ALL which was enough to keep me INTERESTED.
Dating On My Terms
Dating Mr.Muscles Ego was on my terms,even though he tried hard to see me often-like twice a week. I just wanted to go slow. VERY SLOW. Once a week was okay for me. He knew I was tired from my two jobs and gym training every day six days a week at the time I was on diet and training prep for my 2013 competitions.
We dated and the dates were quite nice at the time. We did mid-week Wednesday dinner dates; a Saturday nite date or a chilled out Sunday on a quaint little British beach (cant recall name) and in the park on a picnic.
I NEVER stayed the night and I NEVER invited him up to my flat. I had builders in at the time anyway but I was not ready for him to stay over at mine. More of that later.
We Dated For A Few Months I Slept With Him Once
Shortly after getting intimate with him I dumped him for not being genuine person. I told him I “am not feeling it and just want to focus on my athlete training. I am not ready for a relationship"
He was nice about it. He was okay with my reasons why I wanted to break-up. I didn’t feel a strong connection with him at the time, it was not because he was a bad person. He did send a few texts telling me he thought we "would make the perfect fitness couple".
He had kept saying this to me whilst we dated.
I never really ever felt that he had lost anything by me breaking up with him. He never gave me that impression.
The Reason Why I Dumped Him
Something about him I just COULD NOT PUT MY FINGER ON and I just did not feel he was RIGHT for me. There was no sexual chemistry on my side. I thought he was attractive but it just wasn’t the right kind of attraction. I saw him more of a friend.
So when we got intimate that was what made me JUST KNOW he wasn’t for me.
The SEX was memorable but for all the wrong reasons
The sex? I do recall that the first –and only one-time we slept together he was cold to the touch, and I felt it was animalistic more than romantic and I wasn’t that attracted to him physically. He made loud noises which put me off and kind of ruined the intimate beautiful act of sex that it should have been. I recall looking at him making loud noises.
“Ooh yes….yeah…ooh yeah” and it DID NOT SOUND GENUINE. I swear I know that he was doing it for effect. Believe me, I have an Equity Card, and technically am an actress, but honestly, I recognise BAD ACTING and his acting was not that good. It was like he was waiting for the Director to give him instructions or feedback. He looked at me as he was oohing and ahhing. Eyes wide open. Loking almost like for my approval. I am not a Director. Certainly not in the BEDROOM. At one point I felt like saying "cut" it was mechanical and not passsionate act of love or even lust. Maybe on his part but not mine. When it was all over I felt cold inside. No after glow for me. I was glad it was over.
It was an interesting fact that Mr.MusclesEgo did like to drop into his conversations with me that he had appeared in some random TV adverts, and name dropped whom he said HE HAD WORKED with. When I dug deeper and asked him to show me photos or evidence of those "HAPPY MOMENTS OF SUCCESS" as I called it, he COULD NOT PRODUCE THE EVIDENCE. No PHOTOS , NO PRESS CUTTINGS, website or web LINK TO CLICK.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I WAS SEEING compared to WHAT HE WAS SAYING. Two DIFFERENT THINGS.
I KNEW WHAT QUESTIONS TO ASK HIM TO FIND OUT WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW.
How To Identify A Player or a Guy Giving You BS.
In my life I have had many experiences of being around the Mr.Player type of guys and the Mr.FullOfBS types.
I have a tuned radar for it.
THE QUESTIONS HE COULD NOT ANSWER
Question number one: did Mr.MusclesEgo have an Equity Card? You know THE CARD EVERY ACTOR needs to be a bona-fide actor. NO HE DID NOT.
Question number two-Did Mr.MusclesEgo have any IMDB Internet Movie Data Base actors profile with accreditation or verified acting roles he said he did. NO HE DID NOT. Mmmm.
Question number 3- Did Mr.MusclesEgo have an online actor profile with pro headshots for Directors and Casting Agents to view onlne? No HE DID NOT. When I asked him for the link he never could give me AN ANSWER. If I said casually "Oh great I would like to see that web link to know more about what you have done", he never got round to giving me such verification. How convenient.
So as I dated Mr.MuscleEgo I soon found out that he was a BIG TALKER and often could NOT VALIDATE with EVIDENCE what he was TALKING ABOUT.
WHO HE WANTED TO BE VERSUS THE REALITY
Mr.MusclesEgo therefore liked to paint a picture that he was reallly an ACTOR with AN AGENT. As well as being a full-time very successful Personal Trainer (100 percent verified).
It was interesting how he had only decided to REVEAL the "I'm an ACTOR" fact about himself later on in later dates but not at first.
I would not have liked to date an actor. They are into themselves a lot and rather self-absorbed people.
I soon learned that the man I was dating was a WANNABE ACTOR with HOLLYWOOD ASPIRATIONS.
I HAD no idea in the begining.
Those words he always used to say to me made sense now, He WANTED TO HANG ONTO MY OWN COAT TAILS TO GAIN PUBLICITY for HIMSELF. To promtoe himself as an ACTOR. Again, my BEST MALE FRIEND SS told me of this and had WARNED ME right from the BEGINING.
Identifying His Self-Absorbed BS
It all became clear when Mr.MusclesEgo conveniently DRIP-FED me with fascinating facts about himself. Like the fact he had an acting agent. He would often drop into conversation randomly sentences like " oh yes I had a call from my agent today" or "When I was talking to my agent yesterday." or "Last week my agent said..."
But NOTHING EVER REALLY HAPPENED. Nothing was ever FOLLOWED THROUGH. it was just BS talk, to impress me.
Now I never told Mr.Muscles Ego when I met him anythng about my own acting career. Becuaes I could not CALL it a CAREER. It was a FAILED CAREER. SO it kind of did not count. It is just a part of my CAREER HISTORY.
So can you imagine how he felt when I told him on later dates that I had number one- An Equity CARD; number two-I had an agent-both a MODEL AND ACTING AGENT (still do but I dont "call in " for castings as I am busy wth my athlete training; and number three-I do HAVE AN IMDB Internet Movie Database web link and VERIFIRED PROFESSIONAL ACTRESS / ACTING CREDITS.
From then onwards it was though as if a competetive light went off in his head and he felt he had to 'one-up' everything I said. If I talked about publicty I was doing or features I was writing as Health and Fitness Editor, he had to remind me he was an actor. "well when I was in blah blah..." and I often recall thinking what the fuck has that to do with what I am saying?"
I do not like a guy to act too competetive with me in A CONVERSATION. We are not running a race, nor do I ever COMPETE WITH MEN. Not my style. If I wanted to compete with a guy I would have become a City broker type. Can you imagine me as a City Broker. No. Nor can I.
I DO NOT THINK HE WAS HAPPY at findng out that I was and still am -technically- a Professional Actress and NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT this fact. I never thought it was that RELEVANT to my life now. I CRINGE at the movie role (8 lines of an opening scene in a rom com movie as a Goth character. The movie was screened at The Southbank Cinema London. If I ever saw my face on TV or whatever, I CRINGED. I slid down my movie-theatre seat and hid my eyes when my face appeared on the humungus movie screen. Everyone in the audience you know, TURNS TO LOOK AT YOU FOR A REACTION. I WAS HIDING. I was NO GOOD at watching myself on TV or movie. I had NO BURNING DESIRE for all that. Like most luvvie 'ac-tor-s' do.
How To Draw Upon Experience to See The Truth
I appeared in corporate in-house adverts, model shoots and numerous music videos and lots of gigs where the footage was CUT OUT. That's the nature of the acting business. I appeared in a music video and you can see me do several "wipes"across the screen as an extra about ten times. CRINGE. My model agent got me that role but guess what-there were hundereds of others doing the SAME THING. We called it acting, as "Ac-tor-s" but the final edit you were just a glorified extra. Even though I was paid as an actor and I WAS GIVEN DIRECTION FROM THE DIRECTOR in the video. We were PAID to do the JOB. Most of the time I walked OFF SET after an 8-12 hour day thinking FUCK THAT. Long hours and not enough to show for it.
So it's not like I was HIDING anything from Mr.MuslcesEgo because I was at the time of dating Mr.MusclesEgo (and am now still)promoting myself as a bikini athlete and fitness model and not trying to get TV or acting roles. To this day I hardly mention that I am a fitness model even though I am with a top London agency and have been for nearly a decade.
The way I look at it is this: I would rather be the LEAD in my own real-life movie and lifestyle. I dont need validation on TV. I lost the acting 'bug' a long time ago. It just was not worth it, and no money in the game, and a shortfall of quality acting roles for females in the UK.
Lesson learned - The acting training and experiences came in handy when Dating Mr.MusclesEgo.
The When Harry Met Sally Orgasm Scene
I have done acting training for two years as a mature student at The Actors Centre in Soho London, throughout my my early to mid 30's.
I was so bad at acting that I eventually gave up and ditched the acting career a long time ago because I could not act to save my life, more of that later.
But the ACTING TRAINING I DID FOR MANY YEARS held me in good stead, and even gave me the tools to suss put if someone was POSSIBLY ACTING in front of me.
One day in acting class, the teacher ambushed us with a "challenging acting scene" to get our actors teeth into.
Great I thought this is going to be torture. I was not the best actress in the class, and I knew it.
The teacher handed out movie scenes and paired us all up into two's.
Acting Class Teacher Told Me To Do Fake An Orgasm Scene
I looked down at my script. HORRIFIED, I had to do the Orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally movie. i recall this: I gulped on my spit, as my mouth dried up like a desert in fear and looked up at the actor sitting next to me playing the part of Harry. He was geeky and not at all a sexy character. So in order for me to "hit my mark" as an actor and get into character to "live in the moment" (of the scene we were to play out) I was not confident.
We did a read through without acting it out, and I listened to the Acting Teacher, taking instrucitons on how to "Lift the Words Off The Page darlings and bring them to Life". The acting teacher was a real "Luvvie".
So to fake an Orgasm acting in a scene is NOT that easy, and I take my hat off to Meg Ryan the star of the movie for making it look REAL.
Back to Mr.Muscles Ego in the bedroom that evening, maybe- just maybe- he wanted to star in his own PORN movie. In his head. It wasnt going to happen with me I can tell you. It was wierd. I just couldn’t get into the moment. To put it politely.
I drove home that night as I had NO INTENTION of sharing his bed going to sleep with him. I was releived when I got into my Beetle Bug car and drove home late with no traffic.
One thing about me is this: I cannot easily sleep unless I am IN MY OWN BED. And my cat Pinkie was waiting for me at home.
The Second Chance Dating Period
A year or so had passed and I had dated other guys but not found a suitable Mr.Right to date or have a relationship with.
I was more into my athlete training and gym sessions during the weekdays after work and at the weekends I would train on a Saturday night Legs session if I was not going out. Am I kidding myself? I hardly EVER went out on a Saturday night. I loved gym session on a Saturday night as the gym was like a GHOST TOWN. I had all the Leg machines, rhe Squat rack and weights to myself. It was GYM HEAVEN. NOT A PERSON IN SIGHT.
So Dating was not high on my priority list. It was in the background. I had a profile on a Dating website WITH NO PHOTOS just in case a suitable Mr.Right would spot my profile and be intrigued enough to REQUEST PHOTOS privately.
This dating period was slow. Very slow. I did not go on too many dates and most would not get past the first date.
I got bored easily on dates that were what Dating Guru's call "CV dating". I would sit there and we would ambush each other with harsh questions on work, relationships, dating, hobbies and try to suss out WHY the other person was SINGLE.
I felt often that I was on a Job interview. Most of the guys I dated were really into short-term flings and I always mentioned that was "casual flings or hook ups are not my style".
It usually put them off a second date. Which in most cases if I didnt like the guy it was my secret weapon on dates to hint that I didnt like him for a second date. No-one got hurt or offended. It was kind of funny as I always could predict the outcome of the First Date. SO I GOT BORED WITH DATING AND HARDLY LOGGED INTO the dating site emails. My heart just was not in it.
My heart jumped into my mouth one evening I checked my mail and saw that I had a few messages, and one of the faces looked familiar.
It was Mr.Muscles Ego.
“Hi Rachel I saw you online here and hey we must meet up. "
Soon after I received aN AVALANCE of texts from Mr.MusclesEgo telling me how sorry he was for not trying hard enough to keepme interestedd in him whilst we dated, and he even told me "You know I think we would make a great FITNESS COUPLE, WE SHOULD TRY AGAIN ..blah blah….”
I asked myself if he was genuinely interested in a serious relationship or was he just saying it. I did a mental assessment of things about him which were positives, and then the negatives. I weighed the two columns up and decided I could not REALLY remember why I broke up with him. So I GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE TO DATE ME and agreed to go on a SECOND FIRST DATE.
Second Chances Reasoned by My Bitch Face Alter Ego V My Nice Face
My mind kept telling me it was a BAD IDEA to give Mr.MusclesEgo a second chance. I tried to PUSH OUT ALL THE NEGATIVES and throw myself some POSITIVES. You know like THE SCENE IN HOW DO YOU K NOW MOVIE when sporty athlete Rees Witherspoon tells her team mate to "throw me some positives" on WHY she should DATE the super-rich athlete commitment-phobe bloke she was about to go move in and live with.
I relate to Reese Witherspoons character and can see similarities in her which I have.
Back to my BITCH FACE Alter Ego who always protected me and my NICE FACE Alter Ego who always was forgiving and patient child-like nature.
Here's how the arguments in my head between the two went down.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME that Mr.Muscles Ego had never held down a serious relationship of any duration. He was 47.
My NICE FACE TOLD ME Give him another chance maybe he was very nervous the first - and only time- we got intimate.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME Mr.MusclesEgo had a self-absorbed personailty and he was selfish. He only did things on his terms if he could.
My NICE FACE told me Mr.MusclesEgo looked after his widowed mum since he was a teenager and that was an amazing thing to do.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME to watch out for the OVERBEARING MOTHER who monopolised Mr.MusclesEgo's weekends when she was depending on him for Saturday and Sunday lunches.
My Nice Face told me I had to be patient and accept that if we met on a weekend I would have to live with the GUILT of Mr.MusclesEgo's lonely mother sitting at home alone without her devoted son. Or meet for a date late afternoon or early evenings.
The words from Bitch-Face and Nice-Face became a RIOT of noises in my head I could NOT GET RID OF and it bothered me.
I had to ASK MYSELF if my INSTICTS were telling me to not give him a second chance.
I did not know what to do. WHICH VOICE to listen to.
Rachel’s BITCH FACE is not nice. She is the interrogative journalist and jaded singleton who looks suspiciously at everything in aher detective type manner of questioning and sees everyone as GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
It’s my Alter Ego whom I love and is in fact I think the REAL ME. She is the 7 year old who had to grow up too quicklly, who lived on a rough council estate in Merseyside and failed all her exams at school. She is the person who was 3 years behind her peer group when she eventually got a few qualifications under her belt. She is the person who has ALWAYS WORKED HARD, two jobs to pay the bills. She is a grafter and tough cookie. She speaks her mind and speaks the TRUTH. However brutal, not rude. Just honest, and yes that would ruffle a few feathers along the way. People who are not lovers of the TRUTH. Her eyes are always piercingly looking for the TRUTH with whiplash effect. She can chew a guy up and spit him out for BREAKFAST.
My NICE FACE is a child-like kind-hearted, forgiving and empathatic person who tries not to judge a person. She giggles A LOT and is the mental age of 7 at times with the maturity and experience of a 40-something singleton woman and mother. She has a purity of heart that her 40-something maturity cannot hide. She is a child-like woman who has imaginary friends like Bridget BARDOT and Marilyn Munroe -all soft, sensual, femenine and feline with no hard outer-exterior. Her eyes are the window to her soul. She would not ever want to hurt another soul and makes sure her words reflect this.
Bottom line and in truth I had already worked out that Mr.Muscles Ego was a guy simply IN LOVE with himself, his mirror image, his “me” lifestyle no responsibility for anyone else, and liked his comfort zone.
Barbie And Ken
He liked to call or refer to himself as “A BEACH BUM”.
So LET ME PUT MY BITCH FACE ON THEN. A beach bum? At 47? In the UK. We HAVE NO BEACHES. Sure okay. He drives a Jeep he calls himself KEN.
“You are Barbie and I am your Ken” Mr.Muscles Ego kept telling me on our First Dates. I thought it funny at the time. Now I think it’s immature.
“You know, we would make a great fitness couple” I thought how cute at the time. Now I think he wanted to hang onto my coat tails for exposure, to use my skills as a PR Journalist. (I did diuring dating him agree to write an interview feature on him, which was published for a digital magazine I write for. And now can see how he pushed to make that happen for himself).
I have a medium profile in the media with my interviews I give on my lifestyle, fitness, beauty, model looks, diet and health.
I NEVER thought for a minute about what he MEANT by that phrase "WE WOULD MAKE A GREAT FITNESS COUPLE."
The Trophy Girlfriend
My best friend SS told me
“Rachel, he is another Mr.BusinessmanEgo. Trying to get fame from being with you. He is a has been and only was known for that ONE THING hun. His one ten year old title he won for bodybuilding. Think about it".
I didn’t think, as I am quite humble person, and it is my friends who remind me of my media status. I don’t swan around thinking “I`m famous”. I don’t like or use that word. It’s not in my vocabulary. I have been around and dated guys in the public eye. So what? No biggie. Like me they are celebrated for their success in their industries (Hairdressing and Football Sports Agent), more of these dates in next chapters.
Even though I am a media figure, famous, public figure, well know, whatever- it’s just a PR tool for my job, done it for over a decade- so I don’t see the glamour too much. However I guess there are people out there who do think “SHES FAMOUS!” And Mr.Muscles Ego was just one of them.
Sure- yes in PR terms I have done a lot of press over the years and sometimes people recognise me. So even if I DON’T THINK IT, guys sometimes see the GLAMOUR and WANT TO BE A PART OF IT.
During the first time we dated it was casual just as friends. We dated once a week, as we were both busy with our work and fitness lifestyles and he was okay with my bikini athlete lifestyle and diet prep. I barely ate out or even went out. Too tired from training.
So we never got intimate more than once. Just that ONE TIME we spent the night together, after dating for three months, when I stayed the night at his place two years back.
You see, LOOKING BACK WIHT HINDSIGHT Mr.Muscles Ego had NOT CHANGED A BIT. He had got worse with his habits (speaking over me before I finished what I am saying and not listening properly) and his nature exploded into very vindictive and nasty.
The crunch came when he was very keen to attend the show I was competing in.
I told him politely of course that I didn’t want anyone with me, as it was not as though we were a couple anyway. We had just re-started dating.
I LIKE TO be alone when competing Peek Week is on, as it’s a tough week.
But Mr.Muscles Ego persisted and kept pushing that I needed “my support”. So I stood my ground and agreed- only if he would meet me there. He did not like this. It was a condition he hadn’t negotiated. And he tried to push me into spending the night with him at a horrid cheapo dirty hotel. Which was not a hotel but an immigrant hostel.WTF?
Now, I NEVER during the last week prior to the show, ever allow anyone near me. I do it alone. Get my head into the zone and NO DISTRACTIONS. Let alone a guy wanting his leg over the night before I am competing. No way. Not going to happen. If anyone tries to muscle their way into hanging onto my coat tails during the last week (Peek week) before a competition because they think you might do well, I shake them off. GUYS I mean. Girl pals usually stay away from me and as fellow competing athletes they do the same.
I GOT SUCH A SHOCK when Mr.Muscles Ego text me the “reasonable hotel” he had BOOKED WITHOUT MY CONSENT.
It was an Indian restaurant and take away, next door to a noisy night club and the hotel was not a hotel. It was like one of those tiny hostel rooms where immigrants stay. I googled it and the ‘hotel’ reviews were SHOCKING.
ONE REVIEW STATED “DIRTY FLOORS NOT HOOVERED AND RUST IN THE KETTLE. Hairs on un clean bed sheets”
Another reviewer said:”No reception and no locks on doors! Filthy rooms”.
I WAS SO SHOCKED IT DISTRURBED ME.
What was this guy thinking that a beautiful woman, model and athlete with years of interviews in the press, someone like me, who looks after herself, who pays a LOT OF MY OWN MONEY on beauty treatments and my body, (yes I have self-value and self-worth) would even agree to such LOW STANDARDS. If it was clean budget hotel room okay. But it was a place for IMMIGRANTS, a HOSTEL NOT A HOTEL like Ibis or Travelodge.
I text him that I thought it was a mistake and did he read the reviews BEFORE HE BOOKED IT WITHOUT MY CONSENT? He claimed that he didn’t know (he did know and he was lying because of what he later admitted –see below)
Then the blow came “I liked the architecture” he told me.
I asked him “what architecture do you mean? It’s not a stately home or a London landmark. This is a dirty immigrant dodgy room you have booked. WHERE IS THE ARCHITECTURE THERE?”
I had cornered Mr.Muscles Ego It was his own fault. I am a published journalist not a dim-wit blonde. Yes I AM HIGHLIGHTED BLONDE AND LOVE A BIT OF BARBIE but this girl has brains.
I am still baffled to this day, how a guy can be so stupid to think I could not outwit his way of thinking.
Forgive me for saying this, I am tough on the outside, with my BITCH face on, and Barbie on the outside –both are authentic versions of me. I worked on two high profile COURT CASES in the early 1990’s one for REUTERS NEWS AGENCY on the MAXWELL FRAUD TRIAL. So how can a bloke think I am stupid?
And I am very streetwise having grown up in a Northern Crosby council estate, and with no money, no father and just a single mother, failed my exams at school. And so on. Life hurdles I have faced. But I am NO IDIOT. I had a tough childhood and I am like a SNIFFER DOG when it comes to people. I usually sniff them out. It’s the journalist in me. And the fact that I am a grown ass 40-something woman with a ton of experience.
Bearing all the above points in mind, Mr.Muscles Ego was an ex-architect who after his one trophy win TEN YEARS AGO in a bodybuilding competition, never competed again and became a PT. MMM.. A PT. very good. But show me where his brains are.
Back to the show day story. As I am self-reliant person, I drive myself to the competition as I ALWAYS DO, early at 6am that show day morning.
In the end, I guess he had a brain and he cancelled the filthy hotel £35 a night hostel and I agreed to meet him AFTER I HAD BEEN ON STAGE.
That meant not being able to greet him upon his arrival at the show. I was back stage in the changing rooms and it just was not the done thing to be seen around the audience or reception before going on stage. I sit backstage and get into the headspace I call The Zone to get my alter-ego switched ON. Ready to compete. No distractions.
I KNEW he was not happy. All he wanted was his leg over. Sex. I could tell. He was NOT there to SUPPORT ME AT ALL. Another big lie- I mean did he NOT SEE that I am clever and not a stupid immature woman.
I think he was so livid that I managed to keep my dignity and he didn’t get his selfish way that he planned to undermine me on show day. Like he was planning to AMBUSH ME which he did.
He sat in the audience and after I got off stage I was so dry that I needed to get a drink ASAP so went to the bar, with my stuff in tow.
Mr.Muscles Ego text me he can’t see me. He was waiting for me to find him in the audience.
I looked but it was way too dark. And he knew I had told him that I do not sit in any audience as I find it makes me sick. It’s something to do with competing on stage and being IN FRONT of the camera. I don’t do audience stuff at the best of times. It’s a performer thing. (I was trained and worked as an actress but that’s another story). We are performers we don’t sit in the audience. Call me a bitch but I don’t care. It is just the way my BRAIN IS PROGRAMMED.
So Mr.Muscles Ego reluctantly huffed “okay I guess I had better come out to find you at the bar then”
I mean COME ON. I HAD JUST COMPETED ON STAGE and I had not placed but I was so happy to have competed and he was being selfish.
So, as he had planned and plotted with aplomb, just minutes after I got off stage competing in a 2015 show he told me face to face at the bar “ you will never get anywhere” on stage as a bikini athlete. Not a good time to tell a competitive bodybuilder bikini athlete ANYTHING.
I choked on my drink. WTF? I AM THINKING.
So he jumped up saying he didn’t want to miss the rest of the show and told me to follow him back to his seat. There I sat barely had taken a sip of my drink- it was PEPSI which I don’t drink. And gave him the drink it tasted disgusting. I sipped on my water instead.
Inside the auditorium the ticket lady didn’t allow me to sit down, as I had my athlete wrist band ID on and she was quite right- as I HAD TOLD HIM, because I was AN ATHLETE. He charmed her and she said ok you can sit for a bit.
I sat down in the audience for two minutes and ran out as I felt physically sick. I WANTED TO VOMIT. The noise of the show the raging audience cheering made me feel ill.
I had told him I am no good sitting in an audience. He just left me to go. So he said “hurry back “.
I didn’t and I ran like the wind away from Mr.Muscles Ego back to my car, and sat with breathing difficulty. I was having a panic attack. I RANG MY FRIEND SS and he calmed me down. SS told me to drive home straight away “DO NOT go back into the show GO HOME and leave him there, he’s not supporting you he is acting selfishly the CxxT”. SS was a good friend and like me he did not mince his words.
So I followed my friends advice and drove home and got lost on the motorway twice going in the WRONG DIRECTION as the SAT NAV stopped working with a reception issue. Its the post-competing athlete brain mush you get from low carbs and the diet prep.
Luckily I got home after an hours detour to get back on track, and once home I was an emotional wreck. As a bikini athlete you are very sensitive to everything around you including people, noise and just about everything. I was used to the diet prep and the challenges I face as an athlete training and dieting then competing. But nothing had prepared me for Mr.Muscles Ego’s nastiness once the show was over.
I knew I had done the RIGHT THING by going alone to the competition. And now I was home safe.
Mr.Muscles Ego became super-critically nasty and vindictive. Just to recap: He was acting vindictive because he had tried to book a dirty cheap hotel so he could stay overnight with me the night before the show. To try to get his leg over.UGH! Nasty, SELFISH man, I recall thinking what is this guy ON? Seriously, I don’t do cheap at any time let alone when dating. I don’t give myself away that easily and have plenty of self-respect and self-love. I certainly DO NOT sleep around in the early days of dating a guy.
And so, shortly after I competed he decided to get nasty.
I woke up to a vindictive hurtful text from Mr.Muscles Ego at 7.30 on my birthday telling me in no uncertain terms that I was wasting my time and “not good enough to make it” competing.
Despite the fact that he knew in my FIRST YEAR OF COMPETING AS A BIKINI ATHLETE I WON a title & TROPHY Bikini Diva Champion, I cried my eyes out and it stung like hell.
And despite the FACT that I had then GONE ON TO COMPETE ANOTHER TEN TIMES, with guts and courage in my vision as an athlete not to give up.
Who the fuck was he to even THINK he could tell anyone they could not achieve their sporting dreams as an athlete?
Mr.Muscles Ego also texted me that “I was never going to book a NICE hotel anyway because I knew YOU WERE NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE IN THE competition”.
These words spoke louder than ever – he didn’t think I was “worth it”. Really –well I do. What an asshole.
He was a nasty guy wrapped up in charming smiles and easy-going manner. But underneath was an ugly ego of Narcissism based upon ONE bodybuilding title he won a decade ago. In a world where you are only as good as your last show or win that was a dinosaur age away. Ten years ago. Get over yourself. Please.
My response to his nasty put-down text were these words.
Mr.Muscles Ego hung up his competing gear and he never competed again on stage. He never even defended his title of the year he won in ten years or so ago. As a PT, he never trained any other winning competitive athletes. So my friends reminded me of these facts. My friends said to me Mr.Muscles Ego HAD NO RIGHT to pass judgement or criticise me for my own dreams.
So Rachel put her Bitch face on and decided to let him have a taste of his own medicine and reminded him of the above facts. I told him also to never contact me again. He tried to back down, tried to sound reasonable “Honey I’m just trying to help”.
“No you are not trying to help, you are being an ass and I have one of those already.” I wanted to say but didn’t I kept it polite instead. I THOUGHT IT BEST to look down my nose and use my education instead. That cuts like a knife more than any negative words.
He backed off and I blocked him on WhatsApp. Deleted this ugly man from my lifestyle and vowed NEVER to date a bodybuilder again. Lesson learned. Well, ok maybe I might date another bodybuilder as there are nice men out there. I cannot taint all men with one dirty brush. Not fair.
Lesson Learned: Never give a guy a second chance. THERE WAS A REASON YOU DUMPED HIM THE FIRST TIME ROUND. And guys no matter how much they plead that they have changed. They don’t.
And so I have learned a lesson from Mr.Muscles Ego. NEVER DATE OR TRUST A GUY WHO IS THAT LAID BACK. Its fake and he will climb the tree and all that will be staring down at you is his bare butt. Like a monkey. EVENTUALLY.
Don’t waste your time with a guy who at 47 has never been married, no kids, no LTR no serious relationship and who – in his own words says “I often pinch my mother’s bum” to remind her who is boss.
WEIRD.TOTALLY FRICKING WEIRD.