Dating Mr.Fingertips was amazing for the first ten dates. It was during February. We had a few dates then a lovely Valentines Day date, lunch and evening chill, in the countryside. And more cinema dates after that. We often held hands in the car which I liked about him. He would hold his fingertips on mine and there was a good energy. Hence his name Mr.Fingertips.
And so I practise dating safely and we knew more about each other, so he came to pick me up after a few dates, which was cool as he lived just ten minutes from me. He got to see my girly pink flat and smell the scented candles and Arabic Oud perfume oil burner I was using. We would chat for a bit then I would get my coat and we leave for the date.
I never was invited to see how he lived. A fact I was suspicious about after it was pointed out to me from watching Matthew Hussey's lifecoaching dating videos. (He is awesome- definately do watch is Youtube channel).
I would never rush into sleeping with a guy and wonder if this one, gave up on me as he was not getting sex.
But lets look at the facts about him blowing me out after Date 10.
The last date - was the amazing Coldplay gig at London's O2 he came to pick me up and dropped me home. We kissed and it was passionate but I did not let him come in. After all - I had not yet been invited over to HIS PLACE yet and so obviously thats a key factor to progressing the dating. (Later a friend asked me was he maybe in a relationship and cheating? Makes you think- I hope not )
At the Colplay O2 Indigo gig it was Brit Awards night and the energy was electric.
Colplay on stage were amazing and it was a beautifully romantic date, despite his friend and the girlfriend acting wierd towards me, very dismissive (how ignorant). Really? wtf?
His best friend made it clear he did not like me by acting coldly towards me and they shared a wierd somewhat knowing wink together which made me suspicious- wtf?)
So by Date 10 I had to end it. And here is why.
After date 10 it all went crashingly downhill from what the did, or rather what he failed to do. Communicate. Politeness. Two very critical attributes in a guy to have if I am gonna treat you SERIOUSLY.
It took me a few days to process what was happening and let it all sink in, with his odd behaviour and texts- and lack of texts. And his possible mis-information of the facts to put it politely.
Cut a long story short, we had an amazing connection and I thought he was possibly special man in my life, but I soon found out I was wrong.
You see, for all the postiive attributes Mr.Fingertips had, he let me down for Date 11 and 12 and showed his true colours to be rather suspicious.
Okay, on the Saturday morning of what was to be Date 11, I got a 9 am text saying his dad was unwell and he didnt think he would make it back to London that night from hospital. He was apologeitic and polite about it being a last minute cancellation.
I was ok with that of course- he said his dad was unwell. Or so he SAID he was.
We had plans for Date 12 to be a day spa. It was pre-booked a week before. But he mentioned nothing of it on that Saturday morning text. In fact, would have preferred him to say he would be MIA (missing in action) that weekend to be with his dad, but he did not mention Sunday. I gave him space and did not think it appropriate to further text him.
Patti Stanger dating guru says if you plan a date and it's not expressly cancelled for whatever reason, then do continue as if the date is still going ahead.
So I thought it was going ahead otherwise HE WOULD HAVE CANCELLED IN ADVANCE, KNOWING HIS DAD WAS THAT "unwell".
Nope. nothing no text all day Sunday at all. He BLEW ME OUT.
By 4.30 out of concern I though it appropriate to text him "Hi B. Hope you are ok. As I did not hear from you at all today, I am assuming something bad has happened re your dad. Thinking of you at this time".
He apologised to me for NOT letting me know and blowing me out, but conveniently ONLY AFTER I mentioned to him
" I see you changed your whatsapp pic, but did not think it important enough to text me you were not picking me up to do the spa day today".
He WAS NOT CONSISTENT WITH HIS BEHAVIOUR THE DAY BEFORE. one minute he was polite the next he could not be bothered. HOW IT APPEARS TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said that I was being harsh. I replied no not at all and reminded him that "I only mentioned it after I saw you had updated your whatsapp pic and therefore you had reception at the hospital but chose not to bother to be polite and let me know what was happening."
he apologised " you are right sorry".
No problem I do not hold grudges. But it made me go off him.
Of course I am right. I know what most people would have done. A polite text to update the person, that is all.
Just TEN SECONDS of his life to update me.
It was HIM SHOWING HIMSELF UNDER A SUPPOSED CRISIS. Not good.
I did think omg something bad has happened but as i found out later his dad was soon released from hospital and Mr.Fingertips went on a Spain holiday that following week.
Because I had refused another date he text me Wednesday for a Thursday night date, so I made a point of saying "have a good weekend" when I ended my reply text- as to indicate I was NOT AVAILABLE.
So he text me that following Friday night sayng he was "going to the house in Spain for a few days early next week" and he wanted to let me know so "so I dont mess you around".
But I told him we did not HAVE ANY PLANS.
how odd. But when we did have plans he could not be bothered to politely text me he was not coming and when WE DID NOT HAVE PLANS as i did not want another date, he is acting like we DID have plans.
something not right there.
He did get my last text- as I HAD SAID "....NO I HAVE PLANS THURS EVE SO LETS LEAVE IT OPEN"
HE WAS BASICALLY HOPING I WOULD ACT DESPERATE AND SAY SOMETHING LIKE OOOH...LET ME SEE YOU BEFORE YOU GO TO SPAIN".
No. I would not do that. I had lost trust in him.
I HAVE MORE SELF RESPECT THAN THAT. I happily spent my weekend with a friend who stayed here and I updated my Youtube channel. Yes I focus on ME when I have spare time. Because I never let ME down.
mmmm.........so recap- on the evidence, please note that he had also ignored my texts of concern asking how his dad was. He ONLY TALKED ABOUT HIMSELF and when i repeatedly expressed my wishes "hope your dad is recovering etc" he ignored it until later that week when he ASKED ME ON A DATE!
THE thing is, its all very well for him to use a family member being unwell as an excuse, but the fact he said nothing in his texts that week made alarm bells ring in my head.
I told friends that his texts were 'very odd indeed'. Did not add up.
When my mum (RIP) was dying of Cancer last August - DESPITE THE CRISIS AND PAIN- I let people around me know where I was and that I would NOT be able to keep plans previously made with them. I LET THEM KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. Its the NORMAL communication response. If you give a s@@t. I give a s@@t. Yes. Other people do not, so I have NO TIME FOR THEM- Guys who think they are not transparent and underestimate womanly intuition.
So I decided I no longer wished to date Mr.Fingertips I could not rely on him to COMMUNICATE in reasonable time, on what was going on.
I know I would have politely said something like hey, sorry im gonna be here for few days so catch up with you later in the week.
Instead he could not do that but he COULD UPDATE HIS WHATSAPP pic. I was obviously NOT HIGH ON HIS PRIORITY LIST. But his Whatsapp pic was. ???
Any life coach will tell you that in the early days of dating- simple politeness and courtesy costs nothing. Communication is EVERYTHING in dating and relationships.
I like to LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES SO I NEVER REPEAT THEM AGAIN.
Matthew Hussey has awesome dating videos I watch and he would agree. This guy is JUST NOT THAT INTO ME.
By the Thursday Mr.Fingertips had asked me "what you up to tomorrow night?"
I replied " Oh thank you but I already have plans. re another date- lets leave it open."
I have NO INTENTION of seeing Mr.Fingertips again. His loss.
After a week of feeling let down, I decided to recover as quick as I could, and go back to online dating. I am chatting to other guys and lets see what happens.
In the words of USA based Dating Guru Patti Stanger I have to get back on that Dating horse or I will give up :(
Lesson learned but I am NOT going to lower my standards like many women do just to be in a relationship. I would rather be single and happily so with no hassle.