The Second Chance Dating Period
A year or so had passed and I had dated other guys but not found a suitable Mr.Right to date or have a relationship with.
I was more into my athlete training and gym sessions during the weekdays after work and at the weekends I would train on a Saturday night Legs session if I was not going out. Am I kidding myself? I hardly EVER went out on a Saturday night. I loved gym session on a Saturday night as the gym was like a GHOST TOWN. I had all the Leg machines, rhe Squat rack and weights to myself. It was GYM HEAVEN. NOT A PERSON IN SIGHT.
So Dating was not high on my priority list. It was in the background. I had a profile on a Dating website WITH NO PHOTOS just in case a suitable Mr.Right would spot my profile and be intrigued enough to REQUEST PHOTOS privately.
This dating period was slow. Very slow. I did not go on too many dates and most would not get past the first date.
I got bored easily on dates that were what Dating Guru's call "CV dating". I would sit there and we would ambush each other with harsh questions on work, relationships, dating, hobbies and try to suss out WHY the other person was SINGLE.
I felt often that I was on a Job interview. Most of the guys I dated were really into short-term flings and I always mentioned that was "casual flings or hook ups are not my style".
It usually put them off a second date. Which in most cases if I didnt like the guy it was my secret weapon on dates to hint that I didnt like him for a second date. No-one got hurt or offended. It was kind of funny as I always could predict the outcome of the First Date. SO I GOT BORED WITH DATING AND HARDLY LOGGED INTO the dating site emails. My heart just was not in it.
Contact Again From Mr.MusclesEgo
My heart jumped into my mouth one evening I checked my mail and saw that I had a few messages, and one of the faces looked familiar.
It was Mr.Muscles Ego.
“Hi Rachel I saw you online here and hey we must meet up. "
Soon after I received aN AVALANCE of texts from Mr.MusclesEgo telling me how sorry he was for not trying hard enough to keepme interestedd in him whilst we dated, and he even told me "You know I think we would make a great FITNESS COUPLE, WE SHOULD TRY AGAIN ..blah blah….”
I asked myself if he was genuinely interested in a serious relationship or was he just saying it. I did a mental assessment of things about him which were positives, and then the negatives. I weighed the two columns up and decided I could not REALLY remember why I broke up with him. So I GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE TO DATE ME and agreed to go on a SECOND FIRST DATE.
Second Chances Reasoned by My Bitch Face Alter Ego V My Nice Face
My mind kept telling me it was a BAD IDEA to give Mr.MusclesEgo a second chance. I tried to PUSH OUT ALL THE NEGATIVES and throw myself some POSITIVES. You know like THE SCENE IN HOW DO YOU K NOW MOVIE when sporty athlete Rees Witherspoon tells her team mate to "throw me some positives" on WHY she should DATE the super-rich athlete commitment-phobe bloke she was about to go move in and live with.
I relate to Reese Witherspoons character and can see similarities in her which I have.
Back to my BITCH FACE Alter Ego who always protected me and my NICE FACE Alter Ego who always was forgiving and patient child-like nature.
Here's how the arguments in my head between the two went down.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME that Mr.Muscles Ego had never held down a serious relationship of any duration. He was 47.
My NICE FACE TOLD ME Give him another chance maybe he was very nervous the first - and only time- we got intimate.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME Mr.MusclesEgo had a self-absorbed personailty and he was selfish. He only did things on his terms if he could.
My NICE FACE told me Mr.MusclesEgo looked after his widowed mum since he was a teenager and that was an amazing thing to do.
My BITCH FACE TOLD ME to watch out for the OVERBEARING MOTHER who monopolised Mr.MusclesEgo's weekends when she was depending on him for Saturday and Sunday lunches.
My Nice Face told me I had to be patient and accept that if we met on a weekend I would have to live with the GUILT of Mr.MusclesEgo's lonely mother sitting at home alone without her devoted son. Or meet for a date late afternoon or early evenings.
The words from Bitch-Face and Nice-Face became a RIOT of noises in my head I could NOT GET RID OF and it bothered me.
I had to ASK MYSELF if my INSTICTS were telling me to not give him a second chance.
I did not know what to do. WHICH VOICE to listen to.
Rachel’s BITCH FACE is not nice. She is the interrogative journalist and jaded singleton who looks suspiciously at everything in aher detective type manner of questioning and sees everyone as GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
It’s my Alter Ego whom I love and is in fact I think the REAL ME. She is the 7 year old who had to grow up too quicklly, who lived on a rough council estate in Merseyside and failed all her exams at school. She is the person who was 3 years behind her peer group when she eventually got a few qualifications under her belt. She is the person who has ALWAYS WORKED HARD, two jobs to pay the bills. She is a grafter and tough cookie. She speaks her mind and speaks the TRUTH. However brutal, not rude. Just honest, and yes that would ruffle a few feathers along the way. People who are not lovers of the TRUTH. Her eyes are always piercingly looking for the TRUTH with whiplash effect. She can chew a guy up and spit him out for BREAKFAST.
My NICE FACE is a child-like kind-hearted, forgiving and empathatic person who tries not to judge a person. She giggles A LOT and is the mental age of 7 at times with the maturity and experience of a 40-something singleton woman and mother. She has a purity of heart that her 40-something maturity cannot hide. She is a child-like woman who has imaginary friends like Bridget BARDOT and Marilyn Munroe -all soft, sensual, femenine and feline with no hard outer-exterior. Her eyes are the window to her soul. She would not ever want to hurt another soul and makes sure her words reflect this.
Bottom line and in truth I had already worked out that Mr.Muscles Ego was a guy simply IN LOVE with himself, his mirror image, his “me” lifestyle no responsibility for anyone else, and liked his comfort zone.
Barbie And Ken
He liked to call or refer to himself as “A BEACH BUM”.
So LET ME PUT MY BITCH FACE ON THEN. A beach bum? At 47? In the UK. We HAVE NO BEACHES. Sure okay. He drives a Jeep he calls himself KEN.
“You are Barbie and I am your Ken” Mr.Muscles Ego kept telling me on our First Dates. I thought it funny at the time. Now I think it’s immature.
“You know, we would make a great fitness couple” I thought how cute at the time. Now I think he wanted to hang onto my coat tails for exposure, to use my skills as a PR Journalist. (I did diuring dating him agree to write an interview feature on him, which was published for a digital magazine I write for. And now can see how he pushed to make that happen for himself).
I have a medium profile in the media with my interviews I give on my lifestyle, fitness, beauty, model looks, diet and health.
I NEVER thought for a minute about what he MEANT by that phrase "WE WOULD MAKE A GREAT FITNESS COUPLE."
The Trophy Girlfriend
My best friend SS told me
“Rachel, he is another Mr.BusinessmanEgo. Trying to get fame from being with you. He is a has been and only was known for that ONE THING hun. His one ten year old title he won for bodybuilding. Think about it".
I didn’t think, as I am quite humble person, and it is my friends who remind me of my media status. I don’t swan around thinking “I`m famous”. I don’t like or use that word. It’s not in my vocabulary. I have been around and dated guys in the public eye. So what? No biggie. Like me they are celebrated for their success in their industries (Hairdressing and Football Sports Agent), more of these dates in next chapters.
Even though I am a media figure, famous, public figure, well know, whatever- it’s just a PR tool for my job, done it for over a decade- so I don’t see the glamour too much. However I guess there are people out there who do think “SHES FAMOUS!” And Mr.Muscles Ego was just one of them.
Sure- yes in PR terms I have done a lot of press over the years and sometimes people recognise me. So even if I DON’T THINK IT, guys sometimes see the GLAMOUR and WANT TO BE A PART OF IT.
During the first time we dated it was casual just as friends. We dated once a week, as we were both busy with our work and fitness lifestyles and he was okay with my bikini athlete lifestyle and diet prep. I barely ate out or even went out. Too tired from training.
So we never got intimate more than once. Just that ONE TIME we spent the night together, after dating for three months, when I stayed the night at his place two years back.
You see, LOOKING BACK WIHT HINDSIGHT Mr.Muscles Ego had NOT CHANGED A BIT. He had got worse with his habits (speaking over me before I finished what I am saying and not listening properly) and his nature exploded into very vindictive and nasty.
PEEK WEEK on Final Week of Competiton Prep
The crunch came when he was very keen to attend the show I was competing in.
I told him politely of course that I didn’t want anyone with me, as it was not as though we were a couple anyway. We had just re-started dating.
I LIKE TO be alone when competing Peek Week is on, as it’s a tough week.
But Mr.Muscles Ego persisted and kept pushing that I needed “my support”. So I stood my ground and agreed- only if he would meet me there. He did not like this. It was a condition he hadn’t negotiated. And he tried to push me into spending the night with him at a horrid cheapo dirty hotel. Which was not a hotel but an immigrant hostel.WTF?
Now, I NEVER during the last week prior to the show, ever allow anyone near me. I do it alone. Get my head into the zone and NO DISTRACTIONS. Let alone a guy wanting his leg over the night before I am competing. No way. Not going to happen. If anyone tries to muscle their way into hanging onto my coat tails during the last week (Peek week) before a competition because they think you might do well, I shake them off. GUYS I mean. Girl pals usually stay away from me and as fellow competing athletes they do the same.
I GOT SUCH A SHOCK when Mr.Muscles Ego text me the “reasonable hotel” he had BOOKED WITHOUT MY CONSENT.
It was an Indian restaurant and take away, next door to a noisy night club and the hotel was not a hotel. It was like one of those tiny hostel rooms where immigrants stay. I googled it and the ‘hotel’ reviews were SHOCKING.
ONE REVIEW STATED “DIRTY FLOORS NOT HOOVERED AND RUST IN THE KETTLE. Hairs on un clean bed sheets”
Another reviewer said:”No reception and no locks on doors! Filthy rooms”.
I WAS SO SHOCKED IT DISTRURBED ME.
What was this guy thinking that a beautiful woman, model and athlete with years of interviews in the press, someone like me, who looks after herself, who pays a LOT OF MY OWN MONEY on beauty treatments and my body, (yes I have self-value and self-worth) would even agree to such LOW STANDARDS. If it was clean budget hotel room okay. But it was a place for IMMIGRANTS, a HOSTEL NOT A HOTEL like Ibis or Travelodge.
THE FINAL BLOW
I text him that I thought it was a mistake and did he read the reviews BEFORE HE BOOKED IT WITHOUT MY CONSENT? He claimed that he didn’t know (he did know and he was lying because of what he later admitted –see below)
Then the blow came “I liked the architecture” he told me.
I asked him “what architecture do you mean? It’s not a stately home or a London landmark. This is a dirty immigrant dodgy room you have booked. WHERE IS THE ARCHITECTURE THERE?”
I had cornered Mr.Muscles Ego It was his own fault. I am a published journalist not a dim-wit blonde. Yes I AM HIGHLIGHTED BLONDE AND LOVE A BIT OF BARBIE but this girl has brains.
I am still baffled to this day, how a guy can be so stupid to think I could not outwit his way of thinking.
Forgive me for saying this, I am tough on the outside, with my BITCH face on, and Barbie on the outside –both are authentic versions of me. I worked on two high profile COURT CASES in the early 1990’s one for REUTERS NEWS AGENCY on the MAXWELL FRAUD TRIAL. So how can a bloke think I am stupid?
Childhood Survival Tactics I use in Adult Life
And I am very streetwise having grown up in a Northern Crosby council estate, and with no money, no father and just a single mother, failed my exams at school. And so on. Life hurdles I have faced. But I am NO IDIOT. I had a tough childhood and I am like a SNIFFER DOG when it comes to people. I usually sniff them out. It’s the journalist in me. And the fact that I am a grown ass 40-something woman with a ton of experience.
Bearing all the above points in mind, Mr.Muscles Ego was an ex-architect who after his one trophy win TEN YEARS AGO in a bodybuilding competition, never competed again and became a PT. MMM.. A PT. very good. But show me where his brains are.
Back to the show day story. As I am self-reliant person, I drive myself to the competition as I ALWAYS DO, early at 6am that show day morning.
In the end, I guess he had a brain and he cancelled the filthy hotel £35 a night hostel and I agreed to meet him AFTER I HAD BEEN ON STAGE.
That meant not being able to greet him upon his arrival at the show. I was back stage in the changing rooms and it just was not the done thing to be seen around the audience or reception before going on stage. I sit backstage and get into the headspace I call The Zone to get my alter-ego switched ON. Ready to compete. No distractions.
He Wanted His Leg Over
I KNEW he was not happy. All he wanted was his leg over. Sex. I could tell. He was NOT there to SUPPORT ME AT ALL. Another big lie- I mean did he NOT SEE that I am clever and not a stupid immature woman.
I think he was so livid that I managed to keep my dignity and he didn’t get his selfish way that he planned to undermine me on show day. Like he was planning to AMBUSH ME which he did.
ON SHOW DAY I WAS Ambushed Again
He sat in the audience and after I got off stage I was so dry that I needed to get a drink ASAP so went to the bar, with my stuff in tow.
Mr.Muscles Ego text me he can’t see me. He was waiting for me to find him in the audience.
I looked but it was way too dark. And he knew I had told him that I do not sit in any audience as I find it makes me sick. It’s something to do with competing on stage and being IN FRONT of the camera. I don’t do audience stuff at the best of times. It’s a performer thing. (I was trained and worked as an actress but that’s another story). We are performers we don’t sit in the audience. Call me a bitch but I don’t care. It is just the way my BRAIN IS PROGRAMMED.
So selfish Mr.Muscles Ego reluctantly huffed “okay I guess I had better come out to find you at the bar then”
I mean COME ON. I HAD JUST COMPETED ON STAGE and I had not placed but I was so happy to have competed and he was being selfish.
So, as he had planned and plotted with aplomb, just minutes after I got off stage competing in a 2015 show he told me face to face at the bar “ you will never get anywhere” on stage as a bikini athlete. Not a good time to tell a competitive bodybuilder bikini athlete ANYTHING.
I choked on my drink. WTF? I AM THINKING.
So he jumped up saying he didn’t want to miss the rest of the show and told me to follow him back to his seat. There I sat barely had taken a sip of my drink- it was PEPSI which I don’t drink. And gave him the drink it tasted disgusting. I sipped on my water instead.
I WANTED TO VOMIT FROM THE STRESS HE GAVE ME
Inside the auditorium the ticket lady didn’t allow me to sit down, as I had my athlete wrist band ID on and she was quite right- as I HAD TOLD HIM, because I was AN ATHLETE. He charmed her and she said ok you can sit for a bit.
I sat down in the audience for two minutes and ran out as I felt physically sick. I WANTED TO VOMIT. The noise of the show the raging audience cheering made me feel ill.
I had told him I am no good sitting in an audience. He just left me to go. So he said “hurry back “.
I didn’t and I ran like the wind away from Mr.Muscles Ego back to my car, and sat with breathing difficulty. I was having a panic attack. I RANG MY FRIEND SS and he calmed me down. SS told me to drive home straight away “DO NOT go back into the show GO HOME and leave him there, he’s not supporting you he is acting selfishly the CxxT”. SS was a good friend and like me he did not mince his words.
I RAN OUT OF THE VENUE AFTER THE SHOW TO AVOID HIM
So I followed my friends advice and drove home and got lost on the motorway twice going in the WRONG DIRECTION as the SAT NAV stopped working with a reception issue. Its the post-competing athlete brain mush you get from low carbs and the diet prep.
Luckily I got home after an hours detour to get back on track, and once home I was an emotional wreck. As a bikini athlete you are very sensitive to everything around you including people, noise and just about everything. I was used to the diet prep and the challenges I face as an athlete training and dieting then competing. But nothing had prepared me for Mr.Muscles Ego’s nastiness once the show was over.
I knew I had done the RIGHT THING by going alone to the competition. And now I was home safe.
HE SHOWED HIS CHEAP AND NASTY SIDE when he realised that he could not GET ANYTHIGN FROM ME.
Mr.Muscles Ego became super-critically nasty and vindictive. Just to recap: He was acting vindictive because he had tried to book a dirty cheap hotel so he could stay overnight with me the night before the show. To try to get his leg over.UGH! Nasty, SELFISH man, I recall thinking what is this guy ON? Seriously, I don’t do cheap at any time let alone when dating. I don’t give myself away that easily and have plenty of self-respect and self-love. I certainly DO NOT sleep around in the early days of dating a guy.
And so, shortly after I competed he decided to get nasty.
I woke up to a vindictive hurtful text from Mr.Muscles Ego at 7.30 on my birthday telling me in no uncertain terms that I was wasting my time and “not good enough to make it” competing.
Despite the fact that he knew in my FIRST YEAR OF COMPETING AS A BIKINI ATHLETE I WON a title & TROPHY Bikini Diva Champion, I cried my eyes out and it stung like hell.
And despite the FACT that I had then GONE ON TO COMPETE ANOTHER TEN TIMES, with guts and courage in my vision as an athlete not to give up.
Who the fuck was he to even THINK he could tell anyone they could not achieve their sporting dreams as an athlete?
HE SHOWED HIS TRUE COLOURS
Mr.Muscles Ego also texted me that “I was never going to book a NICE hotel anyway because I knew YOU WERE NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE IN THE competition”.
These words spoke louder than ever – he didn’t think I was “worth it”. Really –well I do. What an asshole.
He was a nasty guy wrapped up in charming smiles and easy-going manner. But underneath was an ugly ego of Narcissism based upon ONE bodybuilding title he won a decade ago. In a world where you are only as good as your last show or win that was a dinosaur age away. Ten years ago. Get over yourself. Please.
My response to his nasty put-down text were these words.
Mr.Muscles Ego hung up his competing gear and he never competed again on stage. He never even defended his title of the year he won in ten years or so ago. As a PT, he never trained any other winning competitive athletes. So my friends reminded me of these facts. My friends said to me Mr.Muscles Ego HAD NO RIGHT to pass judgement or criticise me for my own dreams.
GAME OVER WITH MY BITCH FACE ON
So Rachel put her Bitch face on and decided to let him have a taste of his own medicine and reminded him of the above facts. I told him also to never contact me again. He tried to back down, tried to sound reasonable “Honey I’m just trying to help”.
“No you are not trying to help, you are being an ass and I have one of those already.” I wanted to say but didn’t I kept it polite instead. I THOUGHT IT BEST to look down my nose and use my education instead. That cuts like a knife more than any negative words.
He backed off and I blocked him on WhatsApp. Deleted this ugly man from my lifestyle and vowed NEVER to date a bodybuilder again. Lesson learned. Well, ok maybe I might date another bodybuilder as there are nice men out there. I cannot taint all men with one dirty brush. Not fair.
Lesson Learned: Never give a guy a second chance. THERE WAS A REASON YOU DUMPED HIM THE FIRST TIME ROUND. And guys no matter how much they plead that they have changed. They don’t.
And so I have learned a lesson from Mr.Muscles Ego. NEVER DATE OR TRUST A GUY WHO IS THAT LAID BACK. Its fake and he will climb the tree and all that will be staring down at you is his bare butt. Like a monkey. EVENTUALLY.
Don’t waste your time with a guy who at 47 has never been married, no kids, no LTR no serious relationship and who – in his own words says “I often pinch my mother’s bum” to remind her who is boss.
WEIRD.TOTALLY FRICKING WEIRD.